Fast forwards to 1988 and it was time to sit our Final Exams, fondly known as our "Finals".
In true Caron style they had to fall on my 21st birthday of all days didn't they?! It wasn't a surprise tIhough as we had all known about this date from the first day of of course, and I wasn’t the only one caught out either.....a lovely fellow student nurse Anita also had her 21st birthday that day and so between us we had arranged a big party for that evening for the whole of our cohort in a small club in Nottingham City Centre. So after a very long day of writing and exams, we all got dressed up, headed into town and danced the night away, relieved that our Finals were finally over and all we had to do now was wait.
As previously mentioned I was not very good at studying and didn’t do much of it at all (if any if I’m brutally honest) and the library was a place I always found confusing and so I just didn’t go there. Despite this fact however, it never crossed my mind that there was any chance of me not passing my exams as all of my reports (apart from community of course) had been excellent and I really felt I knew what I was doing and did feel very competent in my nursing skills I have to say.
The day came when we received our results and most of the girls opened them alone in their rooms Me and Sammy decided we wanted to open them together though and so went into her room to do this armed with our two very large envelopes.
Sammy went first and I heard the words “I’ve failed” ........I opened mine and can clearly recall saying back to her “So have I”
This was not what was meant to happen! In our youth and ignorance we sat there contemplating who else must have failed? I mean if we had failed, most of the others must have failed too surely?.We were both excellent students weren’t we? Surely this meant others must have failed too? In fact, had everyone failed?
It actaully transpired that in total only four of us had failed including me and Sammy which was humiliating in itself, but even more mortifying for me was the fact that I was the only one to have failed the multiple choice paper ......the others had failed the long answer paper! I was embarrassed, broken and upset beyond words, and now I faced the reality of having to let all of my family know I was indeed a failure as everyone had thought and I had not qualified as an RGN as expected. Devastating didn’t come close.
I remember driving back to Barlaston from Nottingham that evening, cigarette in hand on the steering wheel and Queen’s Greatest Hits playing at full volume in my car. I cried my eyes out and drove way too fast, but I didn’t care and it was a form of release I guess. I was deading going into the house and having to tell my Mum and Dad face to face that I had failed and of course there was no other to do this as this was way before the time of mobile phones and I coulldn't just send them a message.
I arrived home and unfortunately my mum had friends visiting and although everyone was really comforting I will never forget one of her friends telling me “I'm sure you will make a good nurse one day!”
I have never forgotten those word to this day as they stung me to the very core of my soul and I just wanted to sream at her “I am a good nurse now!”
Anyway that was all the motivation I needed. I was already a good nurse and so I set a plan in my head to pass my exam at the resit which was in a couple of months time in June.
I figured the best way to do this was to go to the library, even though I hated it there, and study as many past papers as I could .........and so that’s exactly what I did. I spent hours and hours in the library, reading and preparing. There was no way I was going to fail again, No way at all! I retook my exams as planned and of course I did pass this time thank goodness and so finally I could have the letters RGN after my name. I had done it and I was over the actual moon with happiness!
Whenever I look back at this time, I am so glad that I did fail my Finals the first time around, as this was a really steep learning curve for me very early on in my life and it taught me such a great lesson and that is this:
"If you want something enough in this life and if you work hard enough .........you will get it and you wil be successful.....But you HAVE to put the work in!
It also taught me never to be so complacent in life ever again and I am eternally
grateful for being brought down a peg or two aged just twenty one and I do believe that it is one of the best things that ever happened to me, and everything really does happen for a reason.
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